It was time for a very special interview with everyone's favorite punching bag: Todd Grisham. The king of all dorks sat in a rinky looking chair in a studio with a large, HD screen behind him which displayed the EBWF logo in a green tone. Beside him were Maryse and Paige in their usual "high class slut" and "fashionable goth" clothing selections. Their seating arrangements were much nicer and resembled the type of chairs directors might sit in. The blond bombshell's chair was white with diamonds encrusted into it while the raven haired beauty's was black with purple stripes and black wings. Maryse didn't seem terribly enthused about the segment that was about to take place while Paige took a sip from a cup of tea with a saucer resting in her lap.
Todd Grisham: Hello everybody and welcome to this edition of EBWF Today. I am joined by two women who have a huge opportunity at our next pay per view: Death Before Dishonor. Maryse, Paige, you have the opportunity to become the very first Women's Tag Team Champions. Seeing as how you are from Canada, Maryse, where this event is taking place, you must be feeling pretty energized right now.
Maryse: Well, I guess I would if I didn't completely hate Canada.
Todd Grisham: Wait..you..HATE Canada?
Maryse: Yeah. Canada sucks. It's a third world country and I only embrace the French part of my heritage. It's gross. No one here knows how to dress and hockey is stupid. Bret Hart is from Canada and he's old.
Paige: The music is really bad too. Nickelback, Sum 41, Avril Lavigne..
Maryse: Sucks. Hard. Do you know what else Canada gave us?
Paige: CHRIS BENOIT.
Maryse and Paige give each other knowing looks before giving that same expression to Todd.
Todd Grisham: I'm not really sure if that's a fair assessment..
Maryse: And even worse than him? EVEN WORSE? Trish and Natalya.
Paige leaned forward very slowly and spoke in a whisper.
Paige: Trish Stratus is almost as old as my mom.
Maryse: Bitch needs to get a refund on her dye-job. Looked pretty rusty in the ring too. She should start doing some yoga or something.
Paige: And it doesn't look like Natalya has lost any of that baby weight. Did you know I couldn't call myself the "anti-diva" because Natalya claimed it first? You know..the blond who wears all that pink and looks like every other diva ever?
Maryse: I guess they think because they have this big homecoming that someone is supposed to care. No one in the world cares. Not a single person. Not even Natalya and her dad's creepy ginger beard.
Todd Grisham: Natalya and Trish are very influental in--
Maryse: Can we get another interviewer please?!
Maryse turned to shout off camera as she was already at her wit's end with Todd. In record time. A quick cut took place and Todd was now replaced by Jacques Rougeau, better known as The Mountie. He is a native of Canada and probably had nothing better to do. He was dressed like one of the Royal Mounted Police and had his cattle prod that he won many matches with handy.
The Mountie: I'm The Mountie! I'm smart! I'm brave! I'm strong!
Paige: This guy beat Bret Hart. That happened.
Maryse: ..Eh, bring Todd back. Hey! Mountie! I think I saw Big Boss Man over there!
The Mountie: THE BIG BOSS MAN?! He defeated me in a JailHouse match at Summer Slam in 1991! Time for revenge!
The Mountie dismounted from his chair in search of Ray Traylor despite the fact that he's long since passed. He left behind his scarlet colored cattle prod and Paige slipped over and took it.
Paige: ..I can find some use for this.
Another cut occurred and Todd returned to his chair. He looked visibly annoyed that he had been momentarily replaced by one half of The Quebecers.
Todd Grisham: Natalya and Trish aren't the only team involved in this match. You will also have to contend with A.J. Lee and Kaitlyn.
The reigning Queen of the Ring scowled deeply and rolled her eyes. She had quite a history and rivalry with A.J.
Maryse: That girl..is crazy. Like Amanda Bynes crazy. I don't really feel safe with her around. It's not MY fault her lame ass boyfriend couldn't keep his hands off of me.
Paige: And Kaitlyn doesn't seem capable of doing very much other than tackling people. I guess that's all her tiny pea brain can handle. Those two are way too reckless. You have A.J. skipping around like a complete and utter maniac and Kaitlyn charging through brick walls.
Maryse: But, you see, Todd, we aren't worried about that. Because we are the best women's tag team in the world. We already beat The Canadian Ninjas and..
She paused and circled her hand around a few times.
Maryse: What were their names? The really boring one's..
Paige: ..Uh..Minnesota..something..
Maryse: Whatever, they're not important, but we beat them! We're an actual team. This isn't a side project. We didn't split up to try singles like that little spider monkey and the scary chick with the big arms.
Paige: We didn't go off and give birth to a demon seed or..ah..
Maryse: No one cares what Trish has been doing. That's how irrelevant she is. Point is, none of them can touch us. Those titles had better be sexy. Because if they look like ugly ass copper pennies like WWE's tag titles, I am NOT lugging it around.
Todd Grisham: Well, I would like to thank you both for--
Maryse: Shut up! We'll do it.
Paige: We're your new Tag Team Champions.
Maryse: Please don't try and touch us when we walk down the aisle with your gross Canadian fingers. Peace.
Maryse waved a few fingers while Paige didn't even bother looking at the camera. Neither seemed to want to remain in Canada for a moment longer than they absolutely had to.
